Tax Quotations

We have long had death and taxes as the two standards of inevitability. But there are those who believe that death is the preferable of the two. "At least," as one man said, "there's one advantage about death; it doesn't get worse every time Congress meets." ~Erwin N. Griswold

Did you ever notice that when you put the words "The" and "IRS" together, it spells "THEIRS?" ~Author Unknown

“I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is – I could be just as proud for half the money.” — Arthur Godfrey, entertainer

"Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund.” — F. J. Raymond, humorist

Taxes: Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get an automatic extension. ~Author Unknown

Indoors or out, no one relaxes in March, that month of wind and taxes, the wind will presently disappear, the taxes last us all the year. ~Ogden Nash

It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta. ~Dave Barry

Man is not like other animals in the ways that are really significant: animals have instincts, we have taxes. ~Erving Goffman

The purse of the people is the real seat of sensibility. Let it be drawn upon largely, and they will then listen to truths which could not excite them through any other organ. ~Thomas Jefferson

A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it. ~Author Unknown

Any tax is a discouragement and therefore a regulation so far as it goes. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is legalized robbery. ~Calvin Coolidge

The politicians say "we" can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians. ~Steve Forbes

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin. ~Mark Twain, Notebook, 1902

Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. ~Author unknown, from a Washington Post word contest

You don't pay taxes - they take taxes. ~Chris Rock, Bigger and Blacker

I can give you 1040 good reasons why I hate the government. ~The Quote Garden

People try to live within their income so they can afford to pay taxes to a government that can't live within its income. ~Robert Half

Tax complexity itself is a kind of tax. ~Max Baucus

Taxes are paid in the sweat of every man who labors. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

The flat tax would be so simple, you could fill it out on a post card. A post card that would say, in effect, having a wonderful time; glad most of my money is here. ~Steve Forbes

A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something right. Author Unknown

The flat tax would be so simple, you could fill it out on a post card. A post card that would say, in effect, having a wonderful time; glad most of my money is here. ~Steve Forbes

A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something right. Author Unknown

There may be liberty and justice for all, but there are tax breaks only for some. ~Martin A. Sullivan

The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government. ~Barry Goldwater

Taxes grow without rain. ~Jewish Proverb

I don't know if I can live on my income or not - the government won't let me try it. ~Bob Thaves, "Frank & Ernest"

Of all debts, men are least willing to pay their taxes; what a satire this is on government. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes. ~Mark Twain

You must pay taxes. But there's no law that says you gotta leave a tip. ~Morgan Stanley advertisement

Our tax code is so long it makes War and Peace seem breezy. ~Steven LaTourette

The wages of sin are death, but after they take the taxes out, it's more like a tired feeling, really. ~Paula Poundstone

I am thankful for the taxes I pay because it means that I'm employed. ~Nancie J. Carmody

The point to remember is that what the government gives it must first take away. ~John S. Coleman, address, Detroit Chamber of Commerce, 1956

Philosophy teaches a man that he can't take it with him; taxes teach him he can't leave it behind either. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

It was as true... as taxes is. And nothing's truer than them. ~Charles Dickens

To force a man to pay for the violation of his own liberty is indeed an addition of insult to injury. ~Benjamin Tucker, Instead of a Book

Today, it takes more brains and effort to make out the income-tax form than it does to make the income. ~Alfred E. Neuman
If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. ~Will Rogers

When there's a single thief, it's robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it's taxation. ~Vanya Cohen

America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation. ~Laurence J. Peter

Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today. ~Herman Wouk

Capital punishment: The income tax. ~Jeff Hayes

If the Lord loveth a cheerful giver, how he must hate the taxpayer! ~John Andrew Holmes

The United States has a system of taxation by confession. ~Hugo Black

The taxpayer - that's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination. ~Ronald Reagan
"Taxes are what we pay for civilized society.'' — Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., U.S. Supreme Court Justice

"The power of taxing people and their property is essential to the very existence of government.'' — James Madison, U.S. President

"To tax and to please, no more than to love and to be wise, is not given to men." — Edmund Burke, 18th Century Irish political philosopher and British statesman

"No government can exist without taxation. This money must necessarily be levied on the people; and the grand art consists of levying so as not to oppress.'' — Frederick the Great, 18th Century Prussian king

"Like mothers, taxes are often misunderstood, but seldom forgotten.'' — Lord Bramwell, 19th Century English jurist

"The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.'' — Arthur C. Clarke, author

A tax loophole is "something that benefits the other guy. If it benefits you, it is tax reform.''
— Russell B. Long, U.S. Senator

"Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an income tax form.''
— Laurence J. Peter, author

Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. ~H.L. Mencken

We must care for each other more, and tax each other less. ~Bill Archer

The nation should have a tax system that looks like someone designed it on purpose. ~William Simon

“The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.” — Albert Einstein, physicist

“Taxation with representation ain’t so hot either.” — Gerald Barzan, humorist

“Where there is an income tax, the just man will pay more and the unjust less on the same amount of income.” — Plato

“Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf.” — Will Rogers, humorist

“If you have an IRS tax problem, call the tax law firm of Alvin Brown & Associates.” Alvin S. Brown, Tax Attorney